Part 1: A Journey Through Fitness
If you take into account the four years of college athletics played, then in total, we are looking at more than half of my life. I have failed forward in many ways (as you will soon read). My prayers is that by sharing the rough patches of my thoughts and deeds, I can help someone else avoid them. And, that by sharing the victories and lessons learned, someone else can benefit from them. Ultimately, it is my hope that you discover, as I did, the freedom that comes from fixing our eyes on the One who made us and has called us according to His purpose.
But let’s first start off at the beginning . . .
As with most young men, my original goal was to get ripped, jacked, buff, or whatever other word society uses to describe outward desired appearance. I was a college athlete, and my workouts centered around sports performance. But I wanted to be a good athlete who "looked good." I dedicated a lot of time to my chest, biceps, and abs because everyone paid attention to that . . . so I thought. I was very skinny as a college athlete weighing 155 pounds at 6 feet 1 inch tall. I was extremely self-conscious and compared myself to my teammates and others I saw in the gym. I did not fully understand that my body had not fully developed or matured. I only cared about what others saw when I walked into the room. This played a significant role in many of my decisions and hindered my ability to fully dedicate myself to our strength and conditioning program that focused more on explosive power, lower body strength, and posterior chain strength. We would squat and deadlift, and the entire time I would want to bench and do biceps curls. I desired that buff college body that the culture (T.V., movies, girls) around me deemed attractive.
At this time in my life, I did not have a relationship with Christ, and my guideposts were what others thought. It was a very confusing time, and it showed up in my health and wellness. Even though I was working out in the gym, I sabotaged myself by drinking copious amounts of alcohol and eating junk food routinely. My initial dedication to the gym was birthed out of vanity. I was hooked on the feelings I was getting from working out.
After graduating, I took an intern position with my university's strength and conditioning department. I believed all I wanted to do was work in a gym; what better gym to work in than one with collegiate athletes? Each day was spent pouring over workouts to help athletes be stronger and better. Their dedication inspired me. They were strong, athletic, lean, and muscular. And many of them were looking to improve for the sake of the team as a whole. I realized that I had wasted a lot of time on things that didn't matter. I started training as an athlete after my athletic career was over - backwards, I know. Power cleans, squats, deadlifts, pull-ups, agility drills, and plyometrics were all a part of my daily routine now. It was amazing! I started to notice changes quickly!
My legs grew, but my chest also grew. My back got bigger, but so did my shoulders and arms. My midsection shrank, and my muscles started to pop out in my abdominal region. I was becoming faster, quicker, and more explosive....you know, an athlete. I went from 155 pounds to 175 pounds, and those 20 pounds made a massive difference to my psyche. I was more confident and bold even, but some things did not change. I kept drinking a lot of alcohol and ate what was quick and cheap. I still compared myself to others and wanted even more than I had already gained; I was never satisfied. I was searching for something . . .
Upon completion of my internship, I worked for a season with a professional baseball team as their strength coach and then moved to Illinois to study and prepare for a certification test I wanted for my professional life. I accepted a position as a personal trainer at a local Gold's Gym and was introduced to the discipline of bodybuilding. I entered a new world of training with a very different workout regimen. I began to focus on high sets and reps targeting individual muscle groups. Each day was dedicated to one body part: chest on Monday, back on Tuesday, arms on Wednesday, legs on Thursday, etc. My life fell into a rhythm of working out seven days a week for 1-2 hours a day. I took very few rest days and increased the volume of food I was consuming substantially: about 5000-8000 calories a day on average! Not knowing how to healthfully ingest that many calories in a day I incorporated oatmeal cream pies, hamburger helper and whole milk into my food “plan.”
I grew from 175 to 210 pounds in the span of two years. I felt accomplished. I was “bigger” and “stronger”. However, I was not incorporating cardiovascular exercises into my rotation which began to negatively affect my daily living. Even walking up the stairs became an exhaustive effort. I was still drinking a lot of alcohol and I knew my cholesterol levels were increasing. At the time I didn't care because it was still all about how I looked. And because others were validating my body and my lifestyle, I felt affirmed in my choices.
While on the outside I appeared to be finding success, on the inside I was clearly suffering. This me-focused, people pleasing pace was not sustainable and was ultimately leading me down a dark pathway. I would love to say overnight God got a hold of my heart and it was smooth sailing from there - but that would not be the truth. And, well, the truth is what sets us free. Stay tuned for Part 2.
If you have been struggling with self-sabotaging eating habits, a lack of self-worth, unhealthy comparison, and a constant lack of satisfaction in your fitness progress, reach out for a free health consultation.